Neil Frances or Francis & The Lights, that was the question.

It's 2024. Post-pandemic, post curse of the 26-year old, post youth. 

I am 40. 

Stumbling across this blog was like time traveling back through my youth. What a fun - albeit bumpy - ride it was. And I've recognized that some things never change: music, dance, film, beauty. Those things are deeply embedded within me. And no matter how hard I've tried to run - from music especially - I can't. No amount of trauma can take away who I am. 

I am creator.

I was shopping at Target the other day and this song came on overhead. I Shazaamed it:

Neil Frances - Music Sounds Better With You

When I saw Neil Francis come up on my screen, I immediately thought of this song:

Francis and the Lights - Like a Dream

But I have realized these are two separate artists. Funny enough, after some Googling, I found out that Francis and the Lights spawned from Oakland. 

Anyway, enjoy these two artists while I come back to a Tumblr style blogging and refresh my creative passions.

Lizzo - "Boys" choreography

 Can we just dance?

Coronavirus & 2020: How These 2 Things Forced Me to Face Myself

Before the 2020 pandemic, I was constantly doing.

I was always at the gym or yoga studio, driving from place to place (I am self-employed and travel to my clients' homes), traveling to the next country on my bucket list, and most importantly, I was ALWAYS planning my next steps.

Why most importantly? Because I seem to have a case of the "grass is always greener over there" syndrome. Meaning, I'm rarely living in the moment.

I don't remember exactly when it started. Perhaps it was when I stopped abusing drugs and alcohol in 2010, or when I had a traumatic experience in 2013 that gave me severe PTSD...or maybe I've just always had a penchant for romantic escapism and could never truly sit still in the now.

Which brings me to, well...now.

The year is 2020. There's a new microscopic bug on the town that's killing millions and took the throne as the first pandemic of our generation...and the millennium. 

Welcome to Covid-19.

Stores are shut down. Jobs are shut down. The economy is shut down. The world is shut down. All the things I was constantly doing...gym, yoga, work, travel...are all shut down. 

The pandemic has forced me to slow down and come to a complete stop. And because of it, I'm finally meeting myself. All parts of myself. The deep, icky parts of myself. The bad, the more bad, and the ugly.

I have ugly trauma I've been too scared to face.
I have made poor life choices and am still dealing with the consequences.
I have strong residual, repressed emotion as a result.
I've hated myself over physical appearance and been too afraid to look at the reflection in the mirror.
I have chronic health conditions that I blame myself for.
I harbor negative beliefs about myself.
I have bad habits that I have yet to shake.
I struggle with depression and anxiety and the thoughts that tell me life's not worth it - often.
I hold my breath when I'm stressed.
I pick at my face when I'm anxious.
I have been co-dependent on toxic people because I'm insecure.
I gained weight and am ashamed to admit it.

Oof. That's a lot.

And with a a third stay-at-home order and nowhere to go, I can't outrun these truths anymore.

But you know what? I am grateful I can't. It's forcing me to grow tf up and out of my toxic, unhelpful shit.

It doesn't even stop there.

The year 2020 itself brought on its own rollercoaster of a ride. So many out of the ordinary things happened and changed and were so beyond my control that I was taught about the art of surrender. Because if I didn't surrender to all the change, I was going to break.

Here are some of the things I dealt in this year alone:

2 heartbreaks
6 moves
Homelessness
2 lost jobs
1 lawsuit
1 crazy landlord
1 new health diagnosis
Worsening health condition
Major car repair
And more!

OMG YAY!

So, you'd think I'd be part of the camp that loathes what this year brought them, but I'm not. I'm grateful. Here's the math to prove it:

2020 + Covid 19 =

1. I now know I am okay alone
2. I can face my scary feelings, feel them, and not die
3. I can rest without guilt
4. I can focus all my energy toward personal growth
5. I can focus on healing
6. I set better boundaries
7. I see what I need to change
8. I am accepting of what I've done
   
9. I am starting to forgive myself
10. I am finding things I love about myself - inside and out
11. I am changing my beliefs and believing in myself
12. I found stability
13. I am starting an online business
14. I've learned how to better go with the flow of life

So there are the numbers. Do what you will with them, but I ask of you, what have YOU learned about yourself this year? Did you find the pandemic incredibly helpful in your personal growth, too, or was it detrimental in some way? I'd love to know.

Until next time...

So You Want to Learn How to Twerk? Here are the 5 Best Instagram Pages to Follow.

If you're anything like me, you have no idea how to twerk. You didn't grow up shaking your booty in any skillful, throw-it-back kind of way. Instead, you learned how to "drop it low" and "raise the roof." And maybe a little macarena here and there, too.

However, with the focus of popular culture now revolving around bigger, thicker booties, and less on the heroin chic, skinny white girl phase that has plagued our country for decades upon decades, it's no wonder twerking has become the all the rage. 

Young girls on TikTok are doing it. Moms on TikTok are doing it. But so few people are really breaking it down in understandable chunks for all us newbies to easily digest and understand. And while I still haven't found the perfect online teacher, what I have found is that by watching videos of highly skilled twerkers, I observe the little things they do, and I sit down and practice what I saw. And I am slowly getting better.

Here are the 5 best Instagram pages to follow (ranked highest to lowest) to take learning into your own hands, and teach yourself how to twerk:

1) Nastya Nass @nastya_nass

Yes her real name is Nastya, and it's pronounced nahs-tya, not "nasty," a common misconception. Nastya is Ukraine born, and went from 1 million followers to 8.1 million followers in less than one year...she's that good. She is regarded as the queen of twerking on social media. In a pre-quarantine era, Nastya toured the world, giving twerk classes to filled rooms. Now she has launched her own clothing lines, toting lingerie and expensive twerk shorts in her entrepreneurial repertoire. I've learned a lot from her just by watching many of her videos. She makes twerking look easy, like anyone could do it. But the magic lies in that we can't all do it, and she can...with a grace that is unparalleled. However, a few social media stars are catching up...

2) Rachal Camilleri @camabootie_

Rachal launched her twerk IG account in April 2020, and I have watched it grow to 31 thousand followers in just 7 short months. Just like Nastya, she's that good. What I like more about Rachal is that she is still learning and growing, and shows a lot of her learning processes on her IG stories. I see her try, I see her fail, and as she works everything out, it makes sense in my brain. She also makes twerking look effortless, and her body is SERIOUS GOALS.

3) Julie @islaannd.girl

Julie is an actual twerk teacher, so the majority of her content is twerking. A real positive, for any "normal" girl like me, is that she doesn't have the perfect body of Nastya or Rachal...she is just your everyday girl doing your basic twerking. It makes her a little more relatable, and that much more motivational. Because for real...if she can do it, then so can I!

4) Tutti @tuttithebooty

Herein lies another "normal" body. For Tutti, it's the fact that she's thicker, has cellulite, and is older (as in over 35). And none of that stops her fans, pulling her in at over 540 thousand followers. She posts A LOT of twerking content...like A LOT. And it's all very vast and different. Consider it your large library of various twerk moves.

5) Alicia @alicia_cheekz_

Miss Alicia has a modest following of 7k followers. The thing she does best is slow, controlled, isolated movement of the glutes, which is the thing we need to master FIRST before ever getting to the fast-paced, endurance capabilities of the aforementioned four. If you watch her videos, you'll start to see the pattern of what she does with her glutes, what the others do with theirs, and how to apply her techniques to your booty, to get to your twerk goals.

What is all comes down to is OBSERVATION, PRACTICE, and MORE PRACTICE. Observe these top 5 instagram twerkers, and then get yourself out there and apply what you've learned. 

So, what are you waiting for?

From Hair Scare to Hair Care

 I was never taught how to woman. 

But wait, I'm serious.

My mother, a single woman with no fashion sense, raised me. And when I mean no fashion sense, take a moment to picture this: 

• frizzy hair of an unkempt 70's style cut
• tight, knee-length shorts
• mom jeans (before they were cool)
• unflattering t-shirts
• fanny packs (again, before they made a comeback)
• and lastly, dirty 90's sneakers. 

The only make up she wore was a waterproof mascara that still, despite its claims, smudged her under-eye from a day's worth of sweat.

She bore no paint on her nails, she wore no heels, and I never saw her in a dress.

Which translates to me, now grown, doing exactly the same. I am very uncomfortable in dresses, I loathe the discomfort of standing a day in heels, I wear backpacks instead of purses, and I openly admit to being a tomboy.

Yet lately, I've been trying to become a *girly* tomboy.

Despite years of watching my mom break apart her tangles with aggressive strokes of bent-bristled hair brushes, and despite years of her doing the same to me (which often resulted in teary-eyes), I want good hair.

Let me repeat...I WANT GOOD HAIR.

I started dying my hair at age 12 - from dark brown, to purple, to blue, to platinum blonde, to firey red, and then finally committing long-term (as in 10 solid years) to jet black (as seen below) - and eventually I totally forgot what my natural hair color was!

Surprisingly, when I decided to go all natural and return to a dye-free state of being, hair care became waaaaay different. I found that shampoos and conditioners didn't work the same on my hair. Turns out, hair dye acts as a sealant on the strands. My dyed hair was able to endure harsher shampoos, and naturally led a shinier lifestyle.

So I was sad to discover that natural hair for me meant lifeless, dull, and dry locks.

I spent 10 years trying all the ways and brands. Pureology, Redkin, L'Oreal, Kerastase, the No 'Poo method, Apple Cider Vinegar rinses, dry shampoo...everything I tried yielded the same, sad result.

Until I discovered a YouTuber by the name of holistichabits. She has long, flow-y, and most importantly, HEALTHY LOOKING, NATURAL hair. I watched hours upon hours of her videos, and that's when I first realized, I was never taught how to woman.

I was never taught how to properly brush my hair.
I was never taught about split ends (and how bad they really are).
I was never taught about choosing the right hair bands for less breakage.
I was never taught about all the harsh chemicals in modern day shampoos and conditioners (which dry out the hair), or how the bristles of a brush and comb make a world of difference (and stop unwanted snags).

But holistichabits sure taught me! (Thanks, YouTube!)

The solution to my dull hair problem was mainly a shampoo and conditioner switch. Here was the unboxing of my first Calia Natural's order, a Canadian company that makes all natural hair care products.

Ever since making the switch, my hair was made a VAST improvement. Because I have naturally oily hair, I am unable to skip a day of hair washing. The shampoos made by Calia Natural are gentle enough for everyday use. They have brought body and shine back to my hair. My hair feels soft again to the touch. I will never go back to a store bought shampoo, as I immediately feel the harsh effects it has on my strands.

holistichabits also introduced me to Tek, an Italian company that specializes in making hand crafted hair brushes and combs from quality wood. I was skeptical about a $50 hair brush, but when I received mine in the mail, my mind was changed forever. Just like with shampoo, I will never buy another cheap hairbrush again. This is because Tek product quality is super detectable. The real wood bristles are lighter and flexible throughout my hair. The bristles bend, gently nudging tangles out, instead of aggressively tearing them out (like my mother used to do - ouch!). And I spend more time gently brushing my hair, because, well, this brush just sort of encourages me to do so. And that means less split ends for my tresses over time.

So I am finally learning how to woman. And I've started with my hair. My nails and skin care are coming along, but we'll save that for another post. Here's what I have learned about how to effectively care for my hair:

1. Use natural shampoos and conditioners (like products from Calia Natural)
2. Only use a dime-sized amount of shampoo, and only lather it in the scalp.
3. Conditioner is mainly for the ends.
4. Avoid silicone in hair products.
5. Stay away from heat styling products as much as possible.
6. Wash your hair less frequently, unless you have oily hair or sweat daily.
7. Use hair bands that don't tug on the hair, and let hair move somewhat while in styles. My favorites are classic scrunchies and spiral hair ties.
8. Use a wooden-bristled brush and comb.
9. Use natural oils and deep conditioning treatments weekly.

Just look at those silky tresses! I'd say these steps are definitely working.

If you have any further hair care tips, please comment below! And stay tuned for more updates on how I learn to become more of a *woman.*

ART IS REVOLUTION

What's happening today in the United States is the same as what we've seen everywhere else in the world. Yet somehow we are taught...and we believe...that the USA is immune to the social and political issues we have seen in other ("third world") countries.

I think Americans are learning that WE ARE THE SAME and WE ARE NOT BETTER and in many ways, we are, in fact, MUCH WORSE.

"Street stencils start to emerge during the 1970s as an portable way of reproducing images and text quickly. The ability to reproduce a stencil easily gave power to the art and revolution. In Nicaragua, Sandinista revolutionaries used stylized images of Augusto Sandino, an anti-colonial hero of the early 1900s, to fight against the Somoza dictatorship. Sandino’s hat became a symbol of resistance. By the time the Sandinistas overthrew the the Somozas, thousands of stencils of Sandiono’s iconic hat could be found throughout Nicaragua. The repetitive stenciling of ”martyrs” or “heroes” reminded communities of their struggles and also marked where the political organizations operated."

"Similarly, in South Africa, a growing resistance against apartheid, which was an institutionalized system of racial segregation and discrimination in South and South West Africa from 1948-1990s and the censorship of the press led to the rise of stencils to communicate news of the day on walls and show the collective unity of the anti-apartheid movement.

Nelson Mandela, co-founded and led the anti-apartheid resistance group, MK (“Spear of the Nation”) that used guerilla warfare tactics because their peaceful protests were met with force by the government. Mandela was arrested for leaving the country illegally, jailed for 18 out of 27 years, then finished the rest under house arrest. “Free Mandela” was one of the most common messages stenciled during this time."

"Grupo Suma was an artist collective in Mexico that began painting in the streets to reach a broader audience. Some of their life-size stencils were of anonymous bureaucrats and poor indigenous women to expose the disparity between the social classes. They also wanted to make art available for everyone and would often create murals in the street and have tools available for people who wanted to participate."

The powers of Masego.